My Unmentionables Look Like They've Been Screwing Magnum P.I.'s Moustache.

Let me explain.

It's Halloween.

I bought this cheap velvet medieval evil queen dress at the Halloween store. So I'm wearing it. And I discovered that since it's cheap crap velvet, it's shedding fuzzy black dust bunnies which have attached themselves all over my foundation garments. So even if I do make eye contact with some masked stranger today and the violins begin to swell, there's no way in hell this Medieval Barbie dress is coming off. No one needs to see the hilarity that is going on underneath this get up.

V. Bridget Jones enormous pants scene, only with black and red velvet and gold rickrack trim.

Christ, I'm A Collaborator.

Sarge pulled me aside today to thank me for being a team player, and that he couldn't say that for anyone else.

What happened to the pretty French girls when the Nazis lit out of Paris? Hey, a girl needs stockings and chocolate. I have a sick mother and I have to feed her somehow. Ow! My hair! Please don't leave me tied to the Pont Neuf! Didn't you see me singing La Marseillaise last week at Rick's? Vive la France!