Fabulous Things Come To Those Who Drink Heavily At NorthPark Mall.

Y'all know I shop a lot, right? I am a champeen browser. If I can spend an hour and a half checking stuff out at CVS, imagine the time I consume at Sephora. I have their handy Beauty Insider card, and because of that I was invited to the big new opening party for Sephora and the big new fancy Klinger Salon next door. (Klinger is a long-time Dallas institution like Neiman's, btw, and they are both located across from the opening-soon Barneys New York.)

So I showed up in jeans and a t-shirt because I forgot I live in Dallas. Several people pointed out that Vidal Sassoon's son was there. And they had a Clipboard Lady at the door. She didn't hassle me, so I won't call her a Clipboard Bitch like I normally would.

Hibiscus tea? No thanks. White wine? Eh. Champagne? And how! Keep 'em coming, brother. Prosciuto and fig? I'll pass. Something on endive? Negatory. Coconut shrimp? Only if you want me to go cocoNUTTY!

I drank 4,782 glasses of Heaven and ate the day's catch of a Rockport shrimp boat. I got a goody bag, a chair massage and a color/cut consultation, which brings me to my next point.

This morning, I spent four hours getting my hair colored and cut as a hair model for Bunny and Adam, who were taking classes from some hot-shot, out-of-town people (one of whom was a wee gay Scotsman, at least I assume the gayness, because I'm never wrong about the foreign) and I believe this is rivaling the time I got my hair cut in Paris instead of going to the Louvre. You will be amazed.

Go see them. Bunny for color and Adam for cut. Klinger Salon, NorthPark Mall, Dallas, Texas.

And yes, I really did say "Hi Handsome!" to a gay cater waiter. That is what 4,782 glasses of Heaven will bring a girl to.

I Can't Even Talk About It.

Have you ever found yourself drunk on champagne at Sephora, coconut shrimp tail in hand, saying things like "Hi handsome" to gay cater waiters, and having no idea the party ended an hour ago?

The Toaster...Oh Who Cares?

Long story short, a dude gave me a toaster on a first date. I freaked out. I kept the toaster. I ran into the guy a few weeks ago. He's a friend of Bill W. now.

So what's up? I am done learning stuff for a while. Anatomy and Physiology class is officially dundies. Totally crocodile. I could have missed 30 questions on the final and still gotten my A. Tell me how pretty I am, because I KNOW I'm smart. Science no longer scares me.

Community college classmates, however, still freak my shit out. The idea that birth defects could happen before a woman even KNEW she was pregnant ASTOUNDED my classmates. It was a 10-minute lecture-stopper. I can't even explain how apoplectic that makes me.

BTW, it takes two beers to read a chapter, one to celebrate the end of the chapter, and one just to chill with, and you can still be home by 9:30 no worse for wear. The lights at The Dubliner are on a dimmer and if you ask, they'll turn it up so you can read. No one will bother you while you're reading, but as soon as you stop, you'll become an object of curiosity.

I met Dr. Robert in the laundry room last week. He thought I was a med student and was excited to chat. I don't think he had talked to anyone in like a week. He has some sort of prestigious fellowship in pediatric infectious disease and he just moved here from New York, and Texas is like another planet to him. He is also embarrassed to talk to girls while holding his freshly laundered underwear. I got a sheepish apology and a blush, then he hastily threw them in his basket as if to say, "THOSE ARE NOT MY UNDERWEAR!"

Stefanie would dig him. Tall. Asian. Unfortunately no ascot. I don't know if he's the Boy Scout who knows how to tie knots for a whole other reason, but I'm sure you'll let me know, won't you Stef?

I'm going to see Pirates of the Caribbean today to celebrate the end of summer school. No, I will not be in pirate drag. I know you're all sad. I am wearing the shoes I wore when I pulled the book club pirate stunt though, so consider it an hommage to Cap'n DisRespecca, Scourge of the Sea. I should have kept all the rings. And the gigantic hoop earring. And the red silk kerchief. OK, I like dressing up like a pirate for no particular reason. So sue me.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do next. I need to work more I guess. I like the idea of an underemployed second half of summer though. I wish Jane was here. We could have cocktails at the club after tennis. I hate Philadelphia and the freedom it rode in on.

Who Remembers The Toaster Incident?

WritingGal has threatened to kill me for the lack of updates. She's a tiny, tiny woman but she scares me. No time today, but tomorrow - The Toaster Incident (redux).

The thymus gland secretes thymosin, which facillitates T-cell production. It is located in the thoracic region between the lungs.