On Former Lives And I Don't Care.

So I've come to the conclusion that I pretty much know everyone I want to know. Not that I don't want to meet new people. I think I don't want to be found by old ones is what it is.

People keep telling me about how they've been found on Facebook by people they haven't seen in 10/20/infinity years and how cool it is. First, I think I'm too old for the Facebook/myspace which is stupid because I write a blog so that sinks the argument right there. I don't know, it just seems like work and anybody from the various phases of my life who really wanted to find me could probably do it fairly easily already. Second, there might be a reason I haven't talked to you in 15 years. Maybe I thought you were a dick and are unlikely to have changed.

Plus, it's possible I won't remember somebody and they'll be all "Remember that time when we tried to steal the bell off the roof of the Taco Bell on Everhart?" and I'll be all, "No." I talked to some dude all night at our ten-year high school reunion (and had a really good time hanging out) whom I didn't know back then and still have no idea who he was. Seriously, complete blank. No idea. Could have gone to East Calcutta Preparatory Academy and crashed the reunion for all I know.

The two people I had a burning desire to track down I already tracked down and/or got over it so I'm good with former lives and the like. There's probably way more people I hope to never see again than those I wouldn't mind catching up with. However, I do admit to one curiosity.

I get these irritating emails from the website that Matt The Miller Man used to plan our high school reunion with notices of how many people have signed my guestbook. I wasn't aware I had set up a guestbook for one thing and I think the last email had something like 32 signatures. And since I see the main core of my old high school friends about once a year, I know they all know how to shoot me a what's-up-bitch note anyway. So who was interested enough to pay money to this website to look people up and why was my guestbook appealing enough to have 32 people give the Internet chin-lift to me when I know I haven't talked to any of them since August of '89? I didn't think I even knew 32 people in high school. Who are these people who remember me with maybe some small degree of fondness? I'm curious, but not enough to pay money to find out. (I have a vague feeling I may have mentioned this before. I don't know. I haven't read any old posts in quite some time.)

So there it is. I'm pretty much cool with the present.

Unless I had homeroom with you and you can get me a book deal or a guest appearance on Entourage or something. I'm ok with someone from a thousand years ago who offers future endeavors, otherwise I'm good with the living in Dallas, you're good with the family and whatnot, and no, I'm not going to the reunion and no, I don't know whatever happened to Brian. I heard he died.

Wait a minute, I think I just inadvertently sold myself on Facebook. If I can get my own talk show by talking to people I can't remember, then it might be an ok deal.

I'll check it out, but if there's a lengthy sign-up process or it's in any way irritating, I'm done.

That's exactly what I intended to say when I started this post anyway.

If I Ever Have Kids, I Will Name Them Corndog And Tater.

Hey wow, you people missed me and you are also effin' tenacious to have come back again and again while I was working on that whole getting beatified shit. You're all totally awesome.

Bogda, my boyfriend will totally bring you beers too, since he's really my new favorite bartender and hasn't even thought about getting to second with me, probably.

Speak o' the devil, he just showed up. I'm so glad I wore blue eyeliner. Shut up, I never quit wearing blue eyeliner because it has always rocked.

So I have to go make up an email address because yeah, I want to know Kathy Bates' big ideas. I think it's Graydon Carter. He'll probably make me stop saying how stuff rocks. Whatever. Just sign the checks, GC.