I was out of Jury Duty by 11:30 am so I don't have any voir dire stories, but that doesn't mean I didn't see anything interesting. I forgot to bring a book so I eavesdropped and stared at people.
The guy to my right wore a cool Tuskegee Airmen jacket and told me when I was looking over his shoulder to see what he was reading that Iran has an electromagnetic pulse weapon that can make airplanes fall out of the sky. I think I saw that on the X Files in 1995.
He also told me Iran is going to use it this year. I'll mark my calendar. He was underlining important points in his book, but as I recall from my higher education, it doesn't help if you underline everything on the page. Poor Tuskegee Conspiracy Theory Guy.
History Buff Guy was on TCTG's right. He saw the snazzy jacket just like I did and super enthusiastically asked if TCTG had any relatives who were Airmen. TCTG said no and HBG was done with him.
Then on my left was Namedropper Lady who apparently knows every rich man in Dallas. Not the Mark Cuban rich guys, the Cullen Davis rich guys. She was reading a romance novel in hardback. I bet she never smoked Virginia Slims.
Then there was Mr. Know It All. He had an answer for everything and was the smartest kid in the class. He read an Internet newspaper. I would not want to be on a jury with that guy. You know he'd insist on being in charge and not want to discuss anything. I would have to vote not guilty just to make sure Mr. Know It All didn't take the defendant out back and hang him, even if he was clearly guilty. On the plus side, Mr. Know It All had a voice made for books on tape. Everything out of his mouth was pompous and condescending, but if you ignored the content, it sounded great.
Then in front of me was Karma Chick who decided that since she was a good person, fate had stepped in to skip her juror number. She was a people pleaser. Mr. Know It All would totally have stepped all over her in deliberations, and she would have probably brought cupcakes.
Rides The Bus Lady behind me complained about gas prices. It takes her an hour on the bus to get to work in Addison, but only 10 minutes if she drives, but she takes the bus anyway. It was her day off on Monday and she would have still been in the bed if she hadn't had to come downtown. She was also a half hour early due to the train schedule and Union Station was right next door so she didn't have to walk far.
Gay Oak Cliff Guy has white liberal guilt about not using public transportation, but since he works downtown and Oak Cliff is so close, he drives to work anyway. Gay Oak Cliff Guy is very conscientious about talking to people of color in a normal tone of voice. I told you he had white liberal guilt.
Silent Helpful Lady behind me adjusted my pashmina when I was cold and couldn't get it to lay flat on my shoulders. She was my favorite.
When I got to Jury Duty, I was resentful and determined to keep to myself and a bit hostile. It was the biggest coach cabin in the world and I was determined to avoid making any single serving friends.
But by the end of the morning, I changed my attitude.
Everyone around me was complaining about jury duty and how long it takes and how inconvenient it is and how they hated it. I wanted to smack them all on the back of their stupid heads and tell them that people all over the world are living lives without choice of any kind.
They don't have jury duty because the militia just shows up in the back of a Toyota pick-up and starts shooting.
So yeah, shut your fat privileged mouths or move to Darfur and see how that works out. I thank my lucky American stars and stripes that I can sit around all day and either watch Maury Povich or not. After Jury Duty, I went to McDonald's and took a four-hour nap. God bless America.
Then after my interview Tuesday, which went well I think, Jason bought me lunch. Thanks dude! Then I went to Target.
I saw a woman and her new lower-back tattoo. I don't think she had her pants zipped because she had slung them way down on her hips so they wouldn't touch her ink, but she had wrapped a sweater around her hips so no one would see her ass cleavage. I almost asked her if it had started itching yet.
Then I saw Freakily Young For Puberty Girl. I've heard tell that girls are developing as young as 8 these days. And that overweight girls are more likely to develop early. I saw proof at Target.
I saw a chubby girl I swear couldn't have been out of third grade wearing a bra. But the worst part of it was that it was some patterned hot pink number that showed right through her little school uniform white shirt. What is that girl's mother teaching her? I believe in wearing a black bra under a white shirt if you're going out at night. It can be sexy if done with the right attitude and accessories. But that's not something a third-grader needs to know until college. She'll be on the poll by seventh grade. Let's welcome Destiny Chastain to center stage!
And then yesterday, I pissed off the librarian. I got that damn sticking space bar computer again so I decided to switch keyboards after the guy next to me left. I had no idea it was going to have such dire and lasting consequences.
On a Mac, you just unplug stuff and plug it back in and nothing bad happens. But the library's Dell POS's (pieces of shit) are set up so an alarm actually sounds and the damn thing crashes. I set off two alarms and crashed two computers and brought the librarian lady running. At least it wasn't the guy who told me I couldn't bring bottled water in and I said "OK" and walked off. He hates me. I have a bottle of water in my purse right now. I think I'll take a sip. Ah, thirst quenching goodness.
Anyway, my computer never rebooted and I couldn't log on to a different one because the reservation system still had me in an active session. So I told her I was sorry, the keyboards need to be cleaned, and then I left. Today, one of the computers I crashed has a big OUT OF SERVICE sign on it and the sticky keyboard is gone. I think I'll go graffiti the ladies' room.
ReadBecca Was Here.
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