When Stefanie casually asks if you have any homework or classes to attend on Wednesday night right before Knocked Up starts, I suggest you say no. Because if you say, "Yeah, I have to read two chapters about old peoples' psychological development and another chapter about death, then I have to write my autobiography using Erik Erikson's theory of development as a model," then you won't get a free ticket and free drinks and free gelato after The Police reunion show that YOU JUST FUCKING WATCHED FROM THE FOURTH FUCKING ROW, FUCKING CENTER, FUCKING EQUIDISTANT BETWEEN STING AND ANDY SUMMERS WHO FUCKING SMILED AT YOU WHILE FUCKING SUSTAINING FUCKING EYE CONTACT, DIRECTLY IN FUCKING FRONT OF STEWARD COPELAND AND YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO TELL PEOPLE HOW FUCKING TIGHT STING WEARS HIS FUCKING PANTS AND THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW HE DRESSES TO THE RIGHT AND HAS A FUCKING GUY BRINGING HIM FUCKING CUPS OF FUCKING TEA AND HOW MUCH THE POLICE FUCKING ROCK AND STEFANIE FUCKING ROCKS AND THANK GOD I DIDN'T FUCKING DIE OR ONE OF THEM DIDN'T FUCKING DIE AND I GOT TO SEE THEM FUCKING PLAY MY FAVORITE FUCKING SONG THAT I SWEAR IS ABOUT THE LOCH NESS FUCKING MONSTER AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WAIT ALMOST A WEEK TO FUCKING BLOG ABOUT IT BECAUSE YOU HAD TO FUCKING PROCESS THE FUCKING AWESOMENESS OF BEING SO FUCKING CLOSE YOU COULD SEE THE FUCKING WHITES OF THEIR FUCKING EYES.
Whew, that's a lot of fucking. I'm spent.
PS. I finished the dead old people stuff and turned in the paper and took the last test just now, and once again, I am brilliant. The thing about taking online classes is that you see your score instantly and can see how much better you were than the class average. Man, I love ruining the curve.
I gotta bail. It's open mic night at WRC and I'm heard The goddamned Eagles AND Sweet Baby James and now somebody's singing some shit song with Alleluia in the chorus. My other choice was to take my test at a bar. Note to self: Next time, wrap the laptop in Saran wrap and go to the bar. I swear I'm having an aneurysm, I can't take it, he's singing a song he wrote when he was 17. I am so fucking out of here.
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