Get ready for ReadBecca to feature lots more blood and gore. I got a job in a hospital. On the Labor and Delivery ward. Soon, I am going to see EXACTLY where babies come from. I bet I never forget to take the pill again.
Also, I have been slightly hungover all day, mainly because after T. Foreigner, Esq., bought me a cheeseburger, I had like 17 beers for dinner. I'm kidding. I only had 10 beers maybe. I'm still kidding. It couldn't have been more than seven. I don't know how much I drank, OK? Stop nagging me!
In any case, I have a job and I have to cut back on school night extracurricular activites. And prepare for many, many more odes to the joys of coffee, because I will have to get up at five with this new job thing. Five IN THE MORNING. I know. It's going to be awesome. I'm willing to get up early if it means I might meet a med student.
I can't wait to name someone McDumbAss.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
It's My Birthday And I Am At A Bar At 4:37 PM On A Monday. Wanna Make Something Of It?
It's my birthday and I am cool and you are not because chances are you are NOT in a bar while you are reading this and I AM in a bar while I write this, and it's NOT the bar I usually write in. It's a TOTALLY DIFFERENT Irish bar that is OWNED BY THE SAME PEOPLE as the one I usually go to, so, yeah, I am branching out, man.
Last night Linds and Stef took me out to dinner and a movie, both of which were delish. I highly recommend Definitely, Maybe and P.F. Chang's, especially the spareribs. I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the woman who walked a thousand miles just to fall down at the spareribs' door. Also, The Foreigner took me to lunch and brought me sweets and a fridge magnet from his trip to London, even though he forgot it was my birthday. We had a nice long lunch and now he's off riding his motorcycle and now Ashley is here and we are going to have some drinks.
Last night Linds and Stef took me out to dinner and a movie, both of which were delish. I highly recommend Definitely, Maybe and P.F. Chang's, especially the spareribs. I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the woman who walked a thousand miles just to fall down at the spareribs' door. Also, The Foreigner took me to lunch and brought me sweets and a fridge magnet from his trip to London, even though he forgot it was my birthday. We had a nice long lunch and now he's off riding his motorcycle and now Ashley is here and we are going to have some drinks.
Friday, February 15, 2008
ReadBecca Requests: Your Break-Up Songs
Here's the premise. If you were going to break up with someone by putting a CD in their stereo with a note that said "Play Me," what would the song be?
I'll start.
Scandal, "Goodbye To You"
Led Zep, "Ramble On"
John Cougar Mellencamp, "I Need A Lover That Won't Drive Me Crazy"
The Motels, "Take The L" (Out Of Lover And It's Over)
Now you go.
I'll start.
Scandal, "Goodbye To You"
Led Zep, "Ramble On"
John Cougar Mellencamp, "I Need A Lover That Won't Drive Me Crazy"
The Motels, "Take The L" (Out Of Lover And It's Over)
Now you go.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
That Sinking Feeling
Do you ever do things you immediately regret? Ever carried a watermelon? Ever wish you could let things lie? Ever find yourself saying, "Every time I get out, I PULL ME BACK IN!" Ever feel like your mouth is your biggest liability? Would your superpower be the ability to conjer up a giant hole you can jump into that would automatically disappear and erase the memories of anyone within a 15-foot radius? Do remember when Monica left that completely insane voicemail for Magnum PI after they broke up and tried to erase it because she knew the code and ended up leaving the outgoing message that said, "I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm getting my period or something," and then she accidentally reset the code and couldn't erase it and you were all, like, "I totally know how she feels?"
The last time I can remember a truly horrible, heinous, awful, train-wreck in progress that I could not control and knew would mortify me to the end of my days is when I made Fiona and Stefanie go undercover with me to a Match.com date. It put the AWK! in awkward.
And as for the hair-flipping incident, I don't even want to talk about it.
Just not call. Let things lie. Let it go. You're the only one who cares. Don't bring unneccesary attention to yourself when things get weird. If you just shut up, you can get out alive. Keep your nervous, freaky, insecure, over-eager, desperate, uncoolness to yourself.
Trust me on this. I totally know what I'm talking about.
And if you can't stop yourself from rolling that snowball down the hill, comfort yourself with this warm thought: Nobody else thinks it was as bad as you do in hindsight.
Except that's not true. Yes, it was that bad. You did make a fool of yourself. You should probably quit your job and move and never go to that bar again and avoid that person and anyone they might know or be related to. Change your name. Get a face transplant. Children will still laugh at you and point, but you're just going to have to live with it. Someday, you'll look back and laugh.
Except you won't.
The last time I can remember a truly horrible, heinous, awful, train-wreck in progress that I could not control and knew would mortify me to the end of my days is when I made Fiona and Stefanie go undercover with me to a Match.com date. It put the AWK! in awkward.
And as for the hair-flipping incident, I don't even want to talk about it.
Just not call. Let things lie. Let it go. You're the only one who cares. Don't bring unneccesary attention to yourself when things get weird. If you just shut up, you can get out alive. Keep your nervous, freaky, insecure, over-eager, desperate, uncoolness to yourself.
Trust me on this. I totally know what I'm talking about.
And if you can't stop yourself from rolling that snowball down the hill, comfort yourself with this warm thought: Nobody else thinks it was as bad as you do in hindsight.
Except that's not true. Yes, it was that bad. You did make a fool of yourself. You should probably quit your job and move and never go to that bar again and avoid that person and anyone they might know or be related to. Change your name. Get a face transplant. Children will still laugh at you and point, but you're just going to have to live with it. Someday, you'll look back and laugh.
Except you won't.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Riding The Bus With ReadBecca
I have never ridden a bus in any city I've ever lived in, only ones I've visited because most of the places I visit have much better public transportation and there isn't that whole "Hey, you're poor!" connotation like here in Texas. Anyway, yesterday, I rode the bus.
I didn't plan to, but I got a flat and there was all this flat drama about not being able to get it fixed right away, so I ended up walking to the bank then to the train station, stealing a ride on the train but it wasn't my fault the machine wouldn't take folding money, then waiting an hour for a bus and then walking the last part of the way home in bare feet because my blisters were hobbling me in my boots. All this resulted in a massive headache due to not eating anything until 4 pm when I finally got home from my 10:30 am interview.
Riding the bus takes commitment because it takes forfuckingever to get anywhere. Hats off to people who do it every day. Seriously, the bus only comes around every hour. I think there's only one bus at a time on the route that goes by my house. You would think that having two buses at least on the same route would be smart. If they leave from opposite ends, then you have an inbound and and outbound running at the same time. Because right now, I should just catch the one bus and stay on it the whole way because at least then I'd be in the air conditioning instead of standing around waiting for the same bus to come back, and I also don't have to cross the street and risk getting killed to stand at the bus stop that's going the direction I'm going.
Trains, I've got them down. Trains are way easier than buses. Give me a train any day. But to get to the train, you have to take a bus so if I want to go WEST to downtown Dallas, which is a 10-minute drive, I have to go NORTH on the bus to the train station, then go SOUTH on the train, and it takes like an hour. There's probably a different bus to take downtown, but I only know this one because it goes to the train station and passes by two banks I need to go to and the stop is close enough to my house.
But if I actually got off near the bank I'd have to wait for an hour for the bus to come back to take me to the train station, which I would have probably started walking to since I could make it there, probably, in the hour it would take the bus to come back. So either way, I end up walking around the city anyway and I have to deal with the whole "Hey, you're poor!" crap from everyone on top of that, and get blisters.
It sucks being part of the proletariat.
I didn't plan to, but I got a flat and there was all this flat drama about not being able to get it fixed right away, so I ended up walking to the bank then to the train station, stealing a ride on the train but it wasn't my fault the machine wouldn't take folding money, then waiting an hour for a bus and then walking the last part of the way home in bare feet because my blisters were hobbling me in my boots. All this resulted in a massive headache due to not eating anything until 4 pm when I finally got home from my 10:30 am interview.
Riding the bus takes commitment because it takes forfuckingever to get anywhere. Hats off to people who do it every day. Seriously, the bus only comes around every hour. I think there's only one bus at a time on the route that goes by my house. You would think that having two buses at least on the same route would be smart. If they leave from opposite ends, then you have an inbound and and outbound running at the same time. Because right now, I should just catch the one bus and stay on it the whole way because at least then I'd be in the air conditioning instead of standing around waiting for the same bus to come back, and I also don't have to cross the street and risk getting killed to stand at the bus stop that's going the direction I'm going.
Trains, I've got them down. Trains are way easier than buses. Give me a train any day. But to get to the train, you have to take a bus so if I want to go WEST to downtown Dallas, which is a 10-minute drive, I have to go NORTH on the bus to the train station, then go SOUTH on the train, and it takes like an hour. There's probably a different bus to take downtown, but I only know this one because it goes to the train station and passes by two banks I need to go to and the stop is close enough to my house.
But if I actually got off near the bank I'd have to wait for an hour for the bus to come back to take me to the train station, which I would have probably started walking to since I could make it there, probably, in the hour it would take the bus to come back. So either way, I end up walking around the city anyway and I have to deal with the whole "Hey, you're poor!" crap from everyone on top of that, and get blisters.
It sucks being part of the proletariat.
Friday, February 01, 2008
"She is single and is in desperate need of a job."
People, I have had a shit week.
I didn't get any, a cop made me cry, I'm trapped in my house, my skin is in rebellion, my mother is coming to visit, I had an inappropriate sex dream about someone that made me feel guilty because in the dream I didn't feel guilty, I kept missing Teletubbies, it's cold outside, I don't have any money, no one will cook me dinner, I can't go to Luby's for chicken fried steak, I hate all my clothes, everyone's at work, I can't find any of my socks, I have to make the bed, I can't play the piano, there isn't a Pacciugo within walking distance, the mochas at the generic coffee shop suck, Starbucks still hasn't reinstated Valencia flavor, and no one wants to cuddle anymore.
But I managed to catch half the Teletubbies, I watched five episodes of Lost online for free last night, I have an interview on Monday and I had some cereal, so things are looking up.
I also think it's funny, and extremely frustrating, that no matter what my mother says to the contrary, the fact that I am not married and don't plan to have children and she would only truly be happy for me if I did is always on her mind. Today's headline is a direct quote from her regarding a work-favor I asked her to do. No mother should ever put "single and desperate" in any email regarding any part of her pushing-forty daughter's life. Ever. For any reason. EVER. She also uses my middle name and too many exclamation points. I told you the sperm bank story, didn't I? About how she told me on my 3oth birthday that she would help me find a sperm bank and move in with me to raise the baby? I am not making this up.
It really sucks when your mother doesn't get you.
Anyway, put out some good karma for me on the job front. I could use the help. Who is the patron saint of the unemployed? I need to go to the bodega and get a candle.
Also, aren't we all so relieved Britney's in the loony bin again? Remember when Anne Heche went loony and the aliens restraightened her? Now she's got her own show and it's kind of fun to watch. Britney should take some freakin' notes, man.
I didn't get any, a cop made me cry, I'm trapped in my house, my skin is in rebellion, my mother is coming to visit, I had an inappropriate sex dream about someone that made me feel guilty because in the dream I didn't feel guilty, I kept missing Teletubbies, it's cold outside, I don't have any money, no one will cook me dinner, I can't go to Luby's for chicken fried steak, I hate all my clothes, everyone's at work, I can't find any of my socks, I have to make the bed, I can't play the piano, there isn't a Pacciugo within walking distance, the mochas at the generic coffee shop suck, Starbucks still hasn't reinstated Valencia flavor, and no one wants to cuddle anymore.
But I managed to catch half the Teletubbies, I watched five episodes of Lost online for free last night, I have an interview on Monday and I had some cereal, so things are looking up.
I also think it's funny, and extremely frustrating, that no matter what my mother says to the contrary, the fact that I am not married and don't plan to have children and she would only truly be happy for me if I did is always on her mind. Today's headline is a direct quote from her regarding a work-favor I asked her to do. No mother should ever put "single and desperate" in any email regarding any part of her pushing-forty daughter's life. Ever. For any reason. EVER. She also uses my middle name and too many exclamation points. I told you the sperm bank story, didn't I? About how she told me on my 3oth birthday that she would help me find a sperm bank and move in with me to raise the baby? I am not making this up.
It really sucks when your mother doesn't get you.
Anyway, put out some good karma for me on the job front. I could use the help. Who is the patron saint of the unemployed? I need to go to the bodega and get a candle.
Also, aren't we all so relieved Britney's in the loony bin again? Remember when Anne Heche went loony and the aliens restraightened her? Now she's got her own show and it's kind of fun to watch. Britney should take some freakin' notes, man.
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