So the annual Matt the Miller Man and company birthday bash was this past weekend and as usual, free beer is awesome. Basically, I threw a subsidized cocktail party for my friends, since I invited seven people as my guests and we sat outside on the patio and socialized amongst ourselves. I snagged a tray from behind the bar and loaded it up with beers in plastic cups and it felt like 50 cent draft night at Wings N More circa 1996. Then there was the gunshots. Yeah, I don't want to get shot just for free beer.
Sherlock's is kind of on the edge of a bad neighborhood, and it's not normally a place in my drinking repertoire, so now it's right out. Or if I have to go back next year for the birthday bash, I will stay inside where it is marginally safer.
Hey I just got off the phone with The Foreigner. Yeah, I know there's like hundreds of foreigners I talk about, but this one gets the official title for now. He's a neat freak. Fantastic. We'll never have sex.
The Foreigner thinks of his place as his Fortress of Solitude, and I can't have people over without a year's notice because it's absolute chaos, so unless he gets us a room at The Mansion, we're just going to have to continue making out in the street at the end of the evening. Besides, he has a thing about not picking women up on dates, plus he's got that motorcycle-for-one thing, so as long as I'm driving myself, I've got no reason not to take myself home, alone, as usual.
When somebody picks you up, you're sort of at their mercy as to when you go home. The pick-up date is an instant reason to go home with someone. The meet-you-there date says, "I am sleeping in my own bed, with my own pillow, diagonally across my bed with no sharing or having to listen to you fucking snore all night, you bastard."
Dang, at some point I need to do some Algebra. I think there's been a test posted sometime last week and I haven't checked the website and I skipped class both times last week. Once because it was do-your-homework-and-ask-questions day, and I already did my homework and I didn't have any questions, and once because it was Thursday and I wanted to watch Gray's Anatomy and nurse my headache from Wednesday. Shut up. I have a 4.0.
So finding a job and learning Algebra are delayed because I would rather go to the movies with The Foreigner and not have sex because we both have issues about letting people into our space and he's not picking me up, which seems like a good enough reason to continue The Streak. I mean it's been nearly six years, so what's the point in breaking it now? I might as well go for the decade and then go on Oprah to talk about it so America can discuss my sexless existence as either something noble or pathetic, depending. Then I can get interviewed in People magazine and be one of the 50 Most Interesting Dried Up Crazy Old Maids. It'll be very.
I have to go pick out an outfit and coordinate my eyeliner and lip gloss. I can't hang around here entertaining you people all day. I have people to not do and movies to criticize. And you should get back to work too, you lazy fucks.
No really, I heart you. Come back tomorrow. Mwah!
No comments:
Post a Comment